Family Histories...

What can I say about my family... How much time do you have?

Let me try to make this 'short', as there is enough to fill the pages of books, and not short stories… no more like a Harry Potter series, a whole encyclopedia of histories of my family and friends. The shortest thing to say is that:

My family consists of angels, demons and ghosts… just like everyone’s.

It's sad to say that most of my past demons are members of my own family, but that is true. They say that, “blood is thicker than water”, but sometimes it’s not so much thicker. Sometimes blood can run so thin that you’re not sure if that statement can ever be true. To discuss more on this subject would take far too much time and room than I currently have here, therefore let us talk about the lighter side of my extremely large, but truly small, family.

The Angels...

My little sister... my closest angel...

Although I make her sound really, very much younger, my sister is only just a little more than a year apart from me. Growing up we were much like twins but hated when others called us so. Stating often that, “I am not like her!” in cohesion. However, I have often heard that we had a personal language, and rarely separated each other’s company.

I have one wonderful little sister, from the same parents, who has always made me want to be… more of everything. She was the reason why I strived so hard in my youth. I wanted to make sure she had someone great to look up to, although that may have gotten lost in the translation between sisterhood, as I have always felt a need to protect her, she has always felt the need to show me that I’m not needed. Truth she was more fragile back then than she let on, but also, she is a great deal stronger than she even knew… I have always known both. I just didn’t know the right way to say, “I love you and am there for you whenever you need me, even if you don’t,” without being overbearing and sometimes too overwhelming. To not tell her what to do, or not try to get her to work harder like me, would seem like I didn’t care, when that’s all I did. Therefore, she had to put up with the mothering and smothering me… (Maybe that is where that word came from, lol.)

I also strove for perfection, so that she would strive even harder to be better than me, as I knew siblings are supposed to be competitive. Nevertheless, through it all, I have and will always be proud to have her as my sister.

My first angel...

I have a great mom, although sometimes she feels that she let us down. Mom was always loving and kind, but usually not around. Being single, after a divorce, and us so small meant that we would never see her, but her love was always there. She was implied. From her and with the help of our grandmothers, I believe we learned how to behave and be women. Even if the lessons were given mostly to our sub-consciousness, as I don’t remember any of them clearly. My mom let me know how to be open, despite the fact that she was not. She also encouraged us to be us, while trying to instill constraint. After all, she wanted us to behave like Ladies and not wild beasts! Although I do believe that, some of that “wildness” she left inside us purposely. My mother also raised us to believe that we could do and become whatever we wanted.

Despite the fact that she raised me with the beliefs that not even the Presidency of the United States was beyond my reach, I felt uneasy about where I wanted to reach. There were always ghosts and demons in my past that told me that I wasn't worth enough to do so, and so even with that constant encouragement came a nearly as consistent discouragement.

The product: I grew up confused…

I became a very late bloomer in everything.